Thursday, May 06, 2004

nite after nite after nite. you practically tell me to go out.
when i ask where, you'll jus say "just come out la.."
if i say no, you'll keep buggin me. msg after msg after msg asking me for a reason.
ARE U ACTING NORMALLY! TELL ME! DO YOU THINK TATS NORMAL!
then i get irritated and succumb.
where do we go?
if there's someone else, we'll go for billard. then supper.
if there only 2 of us, we'll go to some park. yea, u heard me right. name them, i've been
there. hahah all these places which are supposed to be romantic,
is now tarnished. i get the creeps when i go to parks now.
the joke is i hv nvr brought my gal to a park.. yet.

but 2 fking guys are going to parks nite after nite?!? mount faber, west coast, kranji, seletar...
u name them.

yest we sat down and had a long talk. i believe our hatred for each other has reached a all new level.
yest he said "i dont know why when im with you, i feel that everything's your fault"
"strange huh? u dont find anything wrong? always my fault?"
he sees no fault in himself.
YES. ITS ALWAYS MY FAULT AGAIN. AS USUAL.

we had a miscommunication i think. he said i told him out study group werent meeting up yest, so he went out.
he said i purposely didnt tell him(putting the blame on me)
ok fine, maybe i told him wrongly?(quite impossible. how can i say no when its yes?)
then he said "aiya why u put all the blame on urself"

"ok la so its our fault la"
again he goes nuts, "SO what are u trying to say? you tell me not studying one hor."(wtf? putting e blame on me again???)

told him whats e big deal, its just a day of study.. why e big fuss?
hahah you know what he said?
"SO YOU'RE TRYING TO COVER UP AFTER EVERYTHING LA... TALK SO MUCH"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.............that got me really going.
he keeps insisting i look into his eyes when i talk. pui!*
then he grabs my neck and chokes me.
i just sit there.
he claims there's nothing he wants from me.
then why e attitude, why the physical things? DO YOU CHOKE YOUR FRIENDS?
so what did you gain from yest?
nothing?
what do you want from me?

there's so much crap that's haunting me right now.
so, if you a homosexual, im sorry but
go away.



[ Mosh the Toemato ] 10:22:00 AM

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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

im really really tired of all this.
whats all this talk like we are in a
relationship of some sort.
yes, other than friends, i really
dont want to get to know you any better.

i am disgusted.
why?
by your everyday actions, the things you say, the
look in your eye, just you.

i tried my best to ignore what you are and treat u as
a normal person. but i cant. you wont let me either.
you delibrately ask me questions that you obviously
know i hv no interest in discussing with you.

you tell me things that you did with some guy.
what do you expect me to say to something like that?
huh? do you expect me to act like nothing has happened?
tat what you did is normal? perfectly normal?

well, for a moment i pretended i didnt hear it. but yet, time after
time u narrate your crusades so me.
as time passed, e feeling of pushing you away increased.

you asked me how i felt. i told you.
you said im in the wrong.
am i? if u think that im imagining things or being paraniod,
why do think im feel this way?
you always say im wrong. but yet, u asked for my opinion
in the first place.
you say you treat everyone the same. bullshit. stop lying to yourself.

i asked if there was smth u expected from me.
you started talking abt things physical and sex or some crap.
like huh!?
somehow i feel tat everything u talk abt is sex or how miserable life is
or how good you are.
what else can you talk abt?

oh yes, you love to analyze my life and then tell me what to do.
my family.
my girlfriend.
my friends. who are yours as well. if you even treat them like friends.
all that shit talk abt no true friendship ..
like what? so u hv no friends? you get to know pple for? manipulation?

I HV NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE NOW.
PLEASE STOP HAUNTING ME.
I AM AFRAID. SCARED. DISGUSTED.

oh yes, u said i looked down on u.
well looks like our friendship wont last for long.
what i say to you, u dont listen.
you deduce your own conclusions, then get angry
and show me some black face.
enuff is enuff.
im tired.




[ Mosh the Toemato ] 10:39:00 PM

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Monday, May 03, 2004

its my fault.
im feeling really down.
no one to talk to.
why am i like this?
im sorry.


HE asked me why i was down.
didnt want to say.
knew he'd say smth real stupid.
he kept prying, so i told.
he just makes me wanna slap him.
IF YOU DONT KNOW SHIT, STFU.

hate myself. bleah. ever had tat feeling?



[ Mosh the Toemato ] 11:37:00 PM

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Sunday, May 02, 2004

2 more papers to go..
but i'm already in holiday mode.
but then again, since when i wasnt?
hah.
my poor granny's going bonkers.
not sure why but she was crying
then in a split second laffing ..

hope she's fine. my dialect's crap.
im starving right now..
where's me fooooood!!!!
going to tpy library to study soon..
hopefully got table!



[ Mosh the Toemato ] 8:40:00 AM

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